Breathe Deeply
by heartachequisition
Summary: It's their first mandatory baking lesson and Shintaro's trying to figure out his feelings rationally but the cookies, how they taunt him so. Shut up, cookies, he doesn't need your input. Well, and Ayano is just as sweet as ever. ShinAya.


Home Economics – or Food Technology, which was what they were technically studying – had become a compulsory subject this year and was the only subject Shintaro was mediocre at. He had the theory down to 100% as usual, but cooking, no, cooking was definitely not his forte.

Ayano had insisted he pair up with her, and since he sure wasn't going to actively seek out another option, he simply went along with her and hoped for the best.

Clearly his hoping didn't really get them anywhere, but he wouldn't realise this until much later.

"How do you want to start?" Their mission had been quite easy in all actuality; chocolate chip cookies. Ayano told him she had helped her mother make them before and she had baked other kinds of simple desserts with her siblings so she knew kind of what they were putting themselves into.

"Um… well, how about I fetch the stuff we need and you try and figure out what we do with it? That's okay, right, Shintaro?"

He nodded, flipping to the tabbed page in his textbook where the full image of the cookies was projected back to him, taunting him. J_ust you try and make me. I'll watch you crash and burn._

Shintaro looked over at his partner, balancing a jar of sugar on top of a small bag of flour. She was a little clumsy, but she seemed to know what she was doing so Shintaro left his partner to deal with collecting ingredients and measuring as he analysed the recipe with more intensity than he cared to admit.

"An egg," He called to her. "We only need one."

"Oops." She giggled nervously. Ayano still didn't quite believe he was co-operating with her for once in their lives.

_You like her, don't you?_ The image of cookies continued to mock him. _I see what this is about._

_'I do not.'_ He glared back, the cookies starting to piss him off – or was it his inner conscience, he didn't know anymore – and only snapped out of it when Ayano gave him an odd look for glaring at the recipe.

"Is… Is something wrong?" The girl tugged at where her scarf would have been before sighing dejectedly, realising it wasn't there since the teacher told her not to wear it while she was cooking. Brightening, though her face expressed concern, she continued, "Did I miss something else?"

"No. It's nothing." He checked the book, once again facing the picture of cookies which teased him so. _You're in so much denial. _

"Ready to get started then?"

"Alright."

Mixing it all together was a breeze. All they had to do was put everything in and go, right? Shintaro did so as quickly as possible to minimise the percentage chance – from approximately 60% to 12% - of his and Ayano's hands touching. Not that he cared or anything.

Every time he looked away though, his eyes would make contact with the golden brown sheen of the cookie photograph which continued to torture him. _God, you are such a fool. Admit it already. You do like her and her pretty smile and her pretty hair and the way she looks at you as if you're actually not pathetic-_

Tempted to slam the book closed, but knowing they still needed it, he only growled internally and angrily cracked the egg. _'Shut up, cookies. Just shut up.'_

Though his fingers were quite agile from the hours spent typing in his room, Shintaro lacked the arm strength that Ayano seemed to possess as she practically grinded through the dough with her bare hands, straining from the effort but smiling all the same. All he did was stand to the side and watch; cheering or encouragement was out of character and out of the question.

_Weak._ The cookie picture had laughed at him. _You are so weak._

_'I am not talking to you anymore.'_ He had glared right back.

"Okay, so it's a little harder than it should be." She breathed, stopping to take a break. "Maybe we put too much flour in or something…"

"It says 225 grams in the book." _But how much is 225g of flour exactly? _

"How much did we put in?"

"2 cups, I believe."

"That… doesn't help." Ayano poked at the dough. "Maybe we could add a tiny bit more milk? Or butter… the teacher probably doesn't mind, haha.."

_Don't make a suggestion. You'll only screw it up._ Again the cookies looked as irritating as ever. He'd comply, but only once.

"Do whatever. I don't mind."

"Okay, sure…" Shintaro supposed it wasn't all that bad; in most classes he barely got to see the girl in action, only her failing epically at all her tests and doing okay sometimes, barely passing at most. It was like seeing a wild animal being released into its natural habitat the way she worked – reaching for the tea towels in the cupboard but not being able to get to them.

Instead of asking him to help, she got a chair to climb onto to grab said towels. It was thoughtful and considerate, the way she acted.

_And you are a big jerk._ The cookie image piped up again. _It wouldn't have killed you to offer to grab the stupid towels, Shintaro. What are you, six?_

_'Seventeen.'_ He almost retorted aloud. _'And you're a reprint off the internet. So you be quiet and leave me be.' _

The close up of cookies on the opposite page seemed to have none of that. _See? Big. Jerk._

_Beauty and the Beast, am I right?_ The main source of his pain replied. _Only you don't deserve her._

The smaller cookies seemed to sneer at him. _You're just a filthy loser who thinks he's everything when he's not._

"I know that." He answered bitterly, "I know that. Shut up!"

Ayano retracted her hand quickly, watching him with wide eyes. "Shintaro? I just… all I said was I'm putting them in…"

Shintaro whipped around to look at her, silently cursing himself for speaking out loud. "N-no. No, no, I didn't mean you. Sorry, no, okay. Thank uh, thank you. Thanks. Don't worry." How was he going to explain internally arguing with pictures of cookies for heaven's sake? It was all the cookies' fault anyway, for ganging up on him. They started it.

She nodded slowly, still looking worried but more at peace now, sliding the baking tray into the oven and fiddling with the temperature and the timer. He saw her mouth break into a satisfied smile once she was done, still squatting by the oven as if she were watching them grow under her care.

He had contributed around 2%, so now Shintaro just felt like scum. Despite his best efforts of protest, the darn cookies were right. He was a jerk. And he didn't deserve her. Oh, and yeah whatever, he did like her, fine, for the love of-

No. He was not admitting defeat to those paper thin cookies just yet. Shintaro Kisaragi hated losing, no matter whether he says so or being said, a plan was slowly formulating in his head.

"How long do they need?" His voice sounded shaky, but it'd have to do. The first time he'd ever initiated a conversation with the girl that didn't involve pushing her away or teasing her. It was about schoolwork – and would those cookie images from the textbook please stop finding ways of sneaking into the corner of his eyes good god.

"15 minutes!" Ayano grinned, completely comfortable now in her own element and now being spoken to rather than ignored. "Well, 12 now."

"That's pretty quick."

"Yeah, I was surprised too. First time I made cookies with Kido was a disaster!" She laughed cheerily, beginning to retell the story of her younger sister clinging to her for most of the experience as she was trying to spend quality time with each of her siblings but the others would only get jealous.

"I ended up trying to cook with all three of them, and you know I've told you Kano can't sit still. He breaks everything without even meaning to…!" The girl went to sit on the floor, watching the oven intently though sneaking glances at Shintaro from time to time. "Seto tries to eat everything, because he wants to grow taller but at the moment it just makes him sick! The poor thing…"

The male who didn't like social interaction or small talk found himself enjoying the conversation, words flowing with ease between them as if they had never had any distance at all. He too was interested in the chemical transformation of the dough when heat was applied, so he sat beside her and watched the oven while they talked.

"And the other day I found Seto stuck in a tree! He was so scared but he said he was trying to save the cat that was up there… and Kido tried to help by shaking the tree, and well, you can probably guess how that turned out, hahaha… funny thing was I didn't see Kano at all that day! He usually sticks to the other two like glue."

"They're close, your siblings, I mean. It's interesting… I wonder, do children have something with trees? Momo got stuck in a tree once because she was trying to get onto the roof."

"Oh, they are! I love them so very much." Ayano giggled. "Silly girl! What was she trying to do on the roof?"

"Give the house a flower crown, was what she said."

"Aww! That's adorable! I love your sister, she's the cutest."

He gave a brief smile. "She's annoying, but I guess she can be a little cute sometimes." _Like you. _This time he didn't even bother to correct the thought.

She nudged him with her elbow. "Just admit it! She's adorable! Kido, Seto and Kano are adorable too, and you don't see me denying it."

"Yo, Tateyama. And uh, Kisaragi." A boy from their class working on the bench beside them spoke up, his female partner waving at the duo happily. "Want us to wash your dishes?"

Shintaro opened his mouth to reject their offer, but Ayano shushed him and smiled brightly at the other pair. "Will it be a problem? I don't mind doing ours anyway."

Their classmates shook their heads, the girl leaning over their bench to look at them sitting on the floor, "We're just doing it in the sink so it'll save water if we wash yours too." "

Thank you so much." Ayano beamed back at them. After a brief moment of silence, she turned to her own partner in a firm whisper. "Shintaro, say thank you."

_Yeah, Shintaro, it's not that hard. You jerk._ It seemed that during their scuffle, some other pair had dropped their textbook and the ever familiar cookie picture shined up at him.

_'I thought I told you to leave me alone, cookie book. Go away.' _

"Shintaro…!" Ayano persisted. "They haven't started yet, go say thank you!"

He stood almost mindlessly then and trudged over to the pair, who were pulling their gloves on and glanced at him in a state of mutual shock. The class genius and loner was coming up to them? Why? Did they do something wrong or-?

"T-thank… you." He mumbled awkwardly, attempting a grateful smile but quickly dropping it since it felt fake and probably looked gross.

His male classmate blinked, unable to respond. The boy's partner pointed at the dishes, "You mean these? You're quite welcome, Kisaragi. I didn't pin you as the type to have manners but that's lovely."

"Yeah. It's no problem." The other male spoke up, recovering instantly. "We're always happy to help. Anytime, man."

"We all are." Ayano added, appearing behind him.

Shintaro turned to look at her. "What do you…?"

"You always looked so lonely." Ayano grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back to watch the oven with her. "But you aren't alone."

"I don't…"

"Shintaro, listen to me. I'm not telling you to change who you are. I'm telling you to not be afraid of letting other people help you." There was a beep that sounded, a few consecutive tones echoing throughout the Home Ec. room as the oven timers went off one after the other. Quickly grabbing the oven mitts, Ayano revealed the tray of their creations and placed it on a wooden mat on the bench.

"See, look at this."

"They've gone from nothing to something." Shintaro replied, gesturing towards the cookies.

"That's not true." Putting the mitts away, she took his hands and placed them on his heart. "They've gone from something to something even better."

He didn't see anything all that special about the cookies only that they were done, but her words were powerful and he felt them close to his heart. Could she have been referring to him when she said that?

"Tateyama, Kisaragi." Their teacher's stern voice cut through his thoughts. "Cleaning up duty for you two. I saw you escape dishwashing earlier, so it's only fair."

Ayano grinned at him sheepishly, and Shintaro only nodded. "Cleaning duty is fine."

* * *

It was just the two of them in the room cleaning after everyone had packed up, their practical reports written and handed in, and them sneaking a few bites of their cookies before wrapping them up to take home. They were delicious, just as Shintaro expected from Ayano's cooking – because let's face it, partner work or not, it was all her doing.

It was mostly silent, Shintaro looking away every time his companion moved to bend down and Ayano chancing a look every time the other muttered to himself or stopped to stare out the window at the setting sun. His original plan had long dissipated though he still longed for a chance to let his feelings become known. Maybe that would finally grant him peace of mind.

He noticed his textbook lying open on the bench, cookie photo staring up at him, and closed it gently with a smirk. The idea was reckless, irrational even, but he willed himself to be confident for the sake of victory over the 2D cookies. Hitting two birds with one stone. _'I'll win, just you wait. You can't torment me anymore.' _

"Are you almost done?" Shintaro leaned against the broom cupboard, waiting for a response.

"Just about!" Ayano responded, giving the sink she was at one last wipe. "Are we walking home together today?"

"It depends." The girl seemed momentarily stunned. "Depends on what?"

"How you react." There was no backing out now.

"React to what…?" He waited until she trotted over with her supplies to place in the cupboard before he made his move.

"This." Shintaro used his free hand to cup the back of her head, drawing the girl's face to face him as he leant down and performed the most daring act he ever had in his lifetime.

He kissed her.

It was no movie kiss – no film star kiss – it was short, and chaste, filled with uncertainty and inexperience. His lips had barely touched hers before he pulled away, red in the face and ready to make a run for it if necessary.

Judging by her expression, he was already reciting his death wish in his mind. It would be a shame to lose someone he was just opening up to, he reflected solemnly, but that was his first kiss and he couldn't take it back now. All he wanted was to crawl into a hole.

Ayano had seemed to freeze entirely, her body not moving as she stared awkwardly at the boy's face, searching for a hint of a joke or a 'I thought you were someone else' or anything to assure her it wasn't real.

Because not in a million years had Ayano Tateyama ever thought she would be kissed by Shintaro Kisaragi.

"I'm so sorry, I'll just go, and-" He started to ramble, conjuring up bizarre excuses to leave, "I forgot to buy food for the hamster, I mean rabbit," and though he tried his best to cover up the recent incident, he stuttered and it was clear his embarrassment showed, "O-oh and I-I-I suppose I'll see you in class tomorrow…"

She jumped on him.

Whether it was out of pure elation or love, she didn't know, but within seconds, Shintaro found himself pinned to the cupboard by his object of affection who was returning his kiss – a girl was actually kissing him – and it felt right.

He had his hands in her hair and she held him steadily in place and they stayed like that for a while, until one of them would break to breathe, or had to chant mantras in their heads to make sure this was real life.

Once they finally broke apart, breathing heavily, Ayano shot him the most dazzling smile he had ever seen. "Let's go home, Shintaro."

And so they did, holding hands and exchanging nervous grins as their relationship took a new turn for the future.

Neither of them knew what to expect, but the pure feeling remained through unspoken words and they lamented.

They would figure it out together.

The cookie textbook remained forgotten on the table.

_You did it, you made her happy. You really do deserve her after all._


End file.
